A Breakdown.

15 Mar

There comes a time in your life – a time that could stand against the most devastating of horrors. A time with the connection of all your failures crumbled upon your past. Then I question my thoughts, later my actions, finally the consequences under which I’m buried. But the question that needs to be asked, the question that begs for a fraction of the answer is.. I don’t know the question, i have no clue of it. I don’t know many things.

Ever felt like you need someone to talk for you? Have you ever wondered when you’re in a car looking out of it’s window about the people you see? I have. You can label this writing as a part of my nervous breakdown, however labels do no more than facilitate an already pathetic human race. Never in my wildest dreams did i imagine to question anything that destroyed or brought me joy. Greedy is a strong way to describe a person, but I am greedy. I live long for the affection of my only happiness and inner peace, sometimes leaving the ones i love; as if I’m blind. I stabbed whoever in the back. Help me, i beg you. It feels like a customary nightmare.

I stick ‘missing’ poster across every inch of my imagination yet nothing comes calling back. No one, not even my own inspiration. I want to be believe i can fly; that the highest i can be is on swing not on piece of cocaine. (No, I’m not a drug addict/user i just said that to make my point clear enough). I remember that it filled me 2 weeks ago and now i question its disappearance. A thought that intensely erodes every skin cell that shields my body. Alert.

My voice rose with an increase of emotion.

We scatter memories on notebooks, on screen, atop anything we listen to, because sometimes we need something to hold on too, or can’t hold on too. Yet, we chose to mold them in poems, songs, quotes, prose. It’s simply because the most heartbreaking, and destroying stuff, deserve a moment to be beautiful, locking out all it’s negativity. Forgive me. I chose to say it instead of sorry. Forgive me, I beg you.

People are as different as the stories the writers produce. All ideal to the same environment, but different stories are kept behind closed doors. “learn to forgive and forget and life will be easier.”They said. But what if I can’t forgive? Can’t forget? Sometimes we feel like we cannot forgive without remorse or propitiation on the part of the other person, but the power of forgiveness lies within us, not in the actions or attitudes of others. Speaking our truth and taking steps to protect ourselves from future harm can help us to move on. The more we understand the person who has harmed us, or who we harmed, their feelings, frailties and external pressures, the easier it is to forgive, or ask forgiveness. I guess that might’ve been the question that I couldn’t figure out at the beginning, however it’s always have been the exact same answer, always the exact same lie, exact same 5 words.

“everything will be alright.”

What if it doesn’t? And everything exactly remains the same. Too many questions, yet few answers. But, if there is one thing that the human race agree on, is that one of the most toughest challenges is to avoid depression.

Forgive me..


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: